when I was 24 I began on my slow journey to health.
I was a recreational drug user, away from a daily addiction and instead just here for the obsession of breaking myself down into smaller and smaller pieces.
one positive thing I did was to, one shopping date with some school classmates from my teenage years, go into a meditation shop in London and purchase a book. I still haven it, actually. I took a card as well, and sat in the meditation room downstairs (iykyk) for a few moments, touching an inner peace I remembered from attending church or singing in choir.
despite the modern building, that feeling is old, reverent, connected and present.
and my addiction shifted. Instead of counting down the days to my next binge I was counting the pennies to spend on a yoga class or steeling the courage to show up for a meditation group (I never did.)
I downloaded an app that encouraged me to take a mindful breath with a koan-like contemplation or affirmation.
meditation for me was where this started. And that is why this practice never leaves.
you can meditate when you’re happy, sad, exhausted, full of energy, well or ill. For one minute or four hours, it is a practice and one that relies only on your willingness to try.
and the card?
”dive into an ocean of rest; rest is best”
I don’t know if I still have it, but it is to this day now one of my foundational philosophies for being. Embodiment and presence can’t be without rest. You don’t know yourself until you know your body, and if you’re jumping out constantly into the next challenge and adventure you never allow your body to properly rest.
because, and I think so much of the narrative that we grew up with if you were a child in the 80s or 90s, what do you mean “we can have it it all?”
what do you mean?
all of what?
as a woman my capacity for presence is completely shattered by my cycle. It is a very tough practice. Yoga cannot be the same daily whilst in my own embodiment. I can, like the indigenous shamans, call on the spirits of men or other animals species to do things outside of my own capacity.
but as a menstruating woman, but greatest challenge and my path to inner power is rest.
rest is best
x
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