everyone talks about losing a person. we can recognise grief where there has been a death, or in the case of a relationship, a visible loss.
but grief is a tricky emotion to work with. often it masquerades as grumpy, depressed, angry or even hyper-focused or fixated.
nobody talks about the grief that comes when your life is shaken up when a lie is exposed.
it strips back the relationships that rest on those foundations, and you can start to feel and be very isolated.
so why don’t we talk about it?
it is not for shame, but, I think,
the weariness that comes in anticipation of having to change everything, even if your life is primed for that anyway.
nobody really talks about how to grieve your own life plans either, of your hopes and dreams and how people weave into that.
but it can feel a lot like the same –
like jumping into freezing cold water only to feel your lungs constrict and there’s no way you could breathe even if you remembered how
for a moment
then it’s like, back into the normal quotidian
the mundane, the routine
the same old same old
except, everything has changed
and your whole future is gone in a heartbeat
and it never existed
and neither did you really
shaped by people who never really were what they said they were
cold plunge, airless shock
back to housework, make dinner, fold laundry
rest, repeat
continue walking ahead but there’s nothing there anymore
this has been my experience a few unfortunate times
the deeper levels of unwinding someone else’s deception takes a very palpable toll on the health
if this is you
lay in bed
rest
breathe
eat something
don’t drink all the wine
life breathes new life into you as you live it
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