hey lurkers

guess what? I got bored so I asked if I could help out again with the “National Paranoia Network”.

I’ve had a long history with mental health and have been living with severe or incapacitating moments for many years.

if you want to find out how I don’t act up or out, learn something new or just feel the reassurance of my words on a page I suggest you go over to

Nationalparanoianetwork.org and register for their free newsletter as I am doing some charity and donating my time and words.

this is for you if you’ve ever had a diagnosis of paranoid thoughts, intrusive thoughts, delusions, psychosis or any psychotic disorder (eg schizophrenia, bipolar, disassociative disorder) or even if you are living with a relative or friend going through the same.

I maintain what I learned during my personal research over a decade ago, which is that psychosis occurs when you are completely flooded with trauma and stress.

while yoga, meditation and somatic therapies are not a cure, this is an injury and not a life sentence and you can strengthen your own self enough that you avoid acting in a way that creates more and more difficulty.

love you guys. You know, we all each live our own lives in our own minds, and sometimes we meet in the middle.

X

I did a thing

no, I mean

wow this is a little bit nerve wracking to talk about. I decided to give into the porn industry that has haunted me since childhood and start an only fans!

wait, what?

it’s not what you think. For me, OF felt like the right platform to gateway content that I wanted to keep strictly over 18. This isn’t porn, it’s an activation for sensual femininity and divine presence in daily life.
my rule: I’m not posting anything I wouldn’t post to the ‘gram anyway. I have posted tasteful nudes but they’re there to evoke a feeling.

that being said, I believe that only fans is less exploitative than what we had pre-OF, where “pretty” girls were lured into unsafe modelling arrangements, and often given drugs by much older men.

maybe a deep dive into sacred sexuality is a way to heal both myself and other creators out there who have been victim of people in the adult industry.

I am not ashamed. I survived!

this content is a deep dive into some very beautiful poetry by Lorin Roche, called The Radiance Sutras. These poems are a reimagining of the sacred “Vijnana Bhairava”, which is a dialogue between the cosmic lovers Bhairava and Bhairavi, as they ask and answer the question: how do I enter an enlightened mindset through my senses?

this is the practice, because we cannot abandon our lives or be enlightened. To heal, to move, to grow, it must be and, not or. I have to be able to enjoy my matcha latte and know that I am everything in the Universe. I have to endure misogyny and know my soul is free and boundless love. I have to be triggered by painful memories and expand into joy through rage.

sound like your vibe? We start in February (probably towards the end, I am type B, sorry not sorry)