Let’s talk about anniversary grief

This last month was intense. The end of June marked a black hole in my calendar which was the birthday of my much beloved cousin, who died in 2018. 

The second week of July also brought in the one year anniversary of the passing of Sally Kempton, an incredible teacher who I am very much blessed to have attended classes and courses live with.

But grief? I was never good at it. My models from early childhood were poor and by my early 20s I had a very unhealthy attitude to processing negative emotions.

Now is a slightly different story. I know I’m best when I take big, heavy emotions in small bites so with a grief this big for loves this deep I make sure I space out staring down my own feelings with plenty of healthy escapism.

It doesn’t work for everyone; my partner prefers to stay up all night even to get through any emotional work, whereas I get so exhausted.

So I pace myself, with having conversations, looking at photos, remembering the good times and the bad.

And then the escapism: 

This year my body didn’t want to move. I was doing just fine in meditation until I attended Sally’s Shradda Ceremony with teacher and friend Tara Judelle this week and I had a complete meltdown afterwards.

Meditation became staring into space or sleeping.

Mantra became “no I don’t want to do anything.”

And the only activities I really have attempted the last couple of days has been to feed myself, my puppy and the heaps of laundry that I managed to build the week previous.

I wasn’t going to post on this but it seemed such a milestone to me, that to glide on by without so much as a nod was not okay.

The answer came in self-care.

The absolute foundation of wellbeing is the recognition that you have a body and that you have to look after it.

I ordered an infrared sauna blanket. I added some extra treats to my weekly fruit and veg box including some tropical fruits I don’t normally have. And I had a soothing bath every day this week. And I made a couple of hours to cuddle with my little chihuahua pup each day.

Sleep became as much as I want.

Eating became as much as I want.

I had home-made fruit jellies, cakes, coffees.

Indulgence, but with high quality ingredients and taking the time and love and care to make it myself.

The absolute worst thing you can do (I think) in grief is to zip up. If you’re at home and you’re not impressing anyone, get the extra bag of cookies. Wear the elasticated sweatpants everyday. Drink your favourite tea or coffee. And just let it out!

One self-care power move I made was to concoct this delicious coffee body polish to keep my skin soft and healthy. Please enjoy 🙂

Recipe:

• used coffee grounds
• coconut oil
• powder cinnamon 
• peppermint oil 
• fine powder salt

In a double boiler or a small pan melt 1/2 tablespoon of coconut oil

Combine 2 tablespoons of coffee, a sprinkle of cinnamon and a quarter teaspoon of fine powder salt. (I use kalar namak as though it’s a bit smelly the sulphur is very good for killing bacteria and viruses)

Pour in the melted oil and mix well. Add a couple of drops of peppermint oil.

Massage well into damp skin and let the coffee do its thing! And be sure to not overuse or you’ll block your drains…once per week is enough 🙂

And in other news…

I’ve been revisiting my content for menstrual cycle. Move With Her began as a four-part workshop in London. As I moved away from a need for homeostasis, in recognition of a sore need for change in life circumstances I realised that not only did my practice require a flexible approach based on my mood and capability, but this was also a requirement for my menstrual cycle.

The key difference is that I’m moving away from the workshop format, and adding new content that has reflected my last two years of research, study and practice.

It was, as it was, a beautiful workshop but for me lacking the texture and depth of something that could alone stand the test of time. And so I decided to just be with my experience and learn, and really learn what my body was saying to me.

My other big piece of work A Grateful Heart is designed to offer you short practices that can be taken standalone or run together, catering for those short on time and energy, and those who wish to spend a good hour or so on the mat.

And my intention is the same for this work.

As I refine the work over the coming months I’m reflecting on what an amazing journey it’s been and how it’s been now over twenty years of menstruating and nearly a decade of training in yoga and experiential anatomy to get to here. 

You’ll be able to find this offering here on the site, for £100 to keep for life, and it should be available from 2025. As with my other works, supportive materials will be available to purchase separately from Amazon and You Seek Yoga.

So much love,

Jaz